pufferfishkisses | New Year's goals

I know I'm late on this. Only not. Resolutions don't have to be made on January 1st.

Here are my goals for the next year.

1. Run a mile in less than 10 minutes by March 31, 2016.
- Run 3x a week for 30 minutes.
- Sign up with Pact app.
- Ice foot as necessary to relieve soreness.
- Realize it is OK to cry or get frustrated or take ibuprofen to deal with the pain of going.

2. Get to a healthy weight, 140 pounds.
- Eat 1500 calories a day.
- Log everything in Fitbit.
- It is going to be hard. It is going to be really, really hard. You will have to deal with that. You will have to deal with being tired and having cravings and feeling low-energy and vulnerable. You know this. You know that there will be a very real pain associated with this. So how are you going to deal with the pain? Sleep to recuperate. Cry. Punch something. Pull your hair. Take a walk around the block. Do jumping jacks. Go for a run. Write about how much it sucks. Remember that Soylent has taken care of your nutritional needs, so you can feel secure. Most of all, find comfort where you can. Find warmth.

3. Finish Psych BA.
- Research Methods, spring.
- Lab credit, spring.
- Clinical or Health Psych, summer.
- Final project, fall.

4. Take the GRE.

5. Apply to grad school by December 31.

Things that I've done that I'm really proud of.
- Went to therapy and threw off most of my anxiety and depression.
- Opening up - in person, over Facebook, telling secrets I've held for years.
- Told people I loved them even though they didn't reciprocate.
- Run until my lungs felt like they would burst.
- Written novels.
- Traveled around the world.

Human potential. I have so much. I can do so much. I can work in a lab. I can be gorgeous. I can run the Warrior Dash. I can charm and attract other people. I can get As in school. I can lose 20 pounds. I can write a novel. I can travel around the world. I can cry until I feel like I'm cracking open, but never fall to pieces.

I bet I can write a bestselling book. I bet I could make a great therapist. I bet I could enjoy sex and not be afraid of it.

I am slowly, year by year, becoming the person that I want to be.

What is my ultimate purpose on the earth?

Is it to enjoy? To share joy? To lessen the pain of people around me? Is it to learn how to make a connection from a childhood that was so isolated? I think something along those lines.

I believe I am powerful. Even when I am tired. Even when I feel shattered. Other people are starting to see that I'm strong. I'm starting to lead by example. I can't possibly explain how good that feels.