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Feb. 8th, 2005 11:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pufferfishkissesSo I accidentally stumbled on someone's journal from school. A classmate. And then of course, being stupid, I looked at the friends list because I was curious who else was on there.
I have no business looking at their journals. Still, from what little I glimpsed, I'm not actually that different from any of them. And yet I am. Sometimes I wish I could see what my classmates would write about me, or if they would even bother to write about me at all. But the more time goes on the more I feel like an outline. Hollow. "For a long time Tayo had been white smoke." I feel like him. White smoke. Nobody can see me.
Somehow I always thought my senior year of high school would be more social than this. Somehow I always thought by the age of 17 I'd have my life figured out.
That's funny. I'm less social now than I have been for years.
Which is a shame, because it means I'm fading away. I really don't want to fade away.
I have no business looking at their journals. Still, from what little I glimpsed, I'm not actually that different from any of them. And yet I am. Sometimes I wish I could see what my classmates would write about me, or if they would even bother to write about me at all. But the more time goes on the more I feel like an outline. Hollow. "For a long time Tayo had been white smoke." I feel like him. White smoke. Nobody can see me.
Somehow I always thought my senior year of high school would be more social than this. Somehow I always thought by the age of 17 I'd have my life figured out.
That's funny. I'm less social now than I have been for years.
Which is a shame, because it means I'm fading away. I really don't want to fade away.
