Feb. 10th, 2016

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I'm tired. What else is new? Jesus.

Margo started on ADD medication this past week. She has more norepinephrine floating around her brain now, which is helping her focus, but it's also giving her really bad anxiety when things get stressful. Panic attacks, that kind of thing. She came over and woke me up and talked to me, and that sort of thing used to fill me with unreasonable rage. But I looked over at her and she was in tears on the couch and all I felt was this kind of calm, sad empathy. Really tender. Really warm. I thought to myself, maybe I really COULD be a therapist someday.

Talking to me helped her, I think. I hope. My eyes kind of feel like peeled grapes right now, from lack of sleep, but it's worth it.

I know I spend a lot of time freaking out and complaining on here, because it's my one really consistent pressure release valve. But the truth is that all the work I'm doing feels good, in a way. I'm needed and wanted. I'm interested in what I'm studying. I'm paying my own way through school and quite honestly, I'm really impressed with how far I've come. How much work I can knock out in a day. How much better I've gotten with self-care. How calm and stable I feel 90% of the time.

Alex and Sherrie would be proud. But they're not here anymore to be proud of me. So I'll have to be proud of myself instead.


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